


The Bachelor: Gotham's edition (or Jim Gordon's a creeper magnet)

by evarosen



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Crack, I Don't Even Know, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-31 18:24:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3988159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evarosen/pseuds/evarosen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim has a secret admirer. Only instead of sending him sexts they strap people to bomb vests on his name. It goes as well as you'd expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Bachelor: Gotham's edition (or Jim Gordon's a creeper magnet)

Gotham was a strange city, Harvey would be the first to admit that. Strange, violent, corrupt....

Still, he couldn't recall his life on it ever being so bizarre before being partnered with Jim (and this was coming from a man who'd arrested a serial killer wearing a giant goat head. Twice).

As everything bad happening to them lately, it had started with that little shit Oswald Cobblepot showing up where he had no bussiness being.

Ok, maybe Harvey was a little biased about that. Truth be told, it had started when that guy who had been sending Jim death threats, tied up and gagged outside the station, with a bomb strapped to his chest.

\-----

Of course the bomb had a timer about to go off, because their life sucked, and Harvey was in no shape to even begin to deduce whatever riddle it said would defuse it, and of course Nygma was nowhere to be found when needed.

As it turned out, all the fuss was in vain, because when it did go off, after Harvey nearly got a black eye removing Jim bodily from trying to defuse it himself, all it came from it was green confetti. Lots of it.

"It was just a practical joke, Jim. No harm done." Harvey said, trying not to laugh while Jim brushed confetti off his hair and glared at him, though he knew he must look about the same.

"The man said whoever caught him told him to stop harassing me, and that it was just a warning. We have to look into this".

That got Harvey's attention. "Party bomber said your name?"

Jim nodded grimly. "And that whoever gave me trouble would meet a messy end. So forgive me if I don't laugh."

Harvet took off his hat and shock it. "But, who do you know that would do something like that?"

"Hello, Detective," a merry voice said behind them.

\-----

Nygma chose that exact moment to show up with coffee, after being MIA the whole morning, so Harvey missed Jim grabbing Cobblepot by the back of his neck and dragging him to an interrogation room like a recalcitrant cat, but the sound of his shoes scratching the floor was still very telling.

\-----

"What, can't I visit a friend?" Cobblepot asked, smiling, the very picture of innocence. Jim just glared at him, unimpressed. Cobblepot sighed, smoothing his coat. "Fine, my current boss sent me to deliver his monthly bribes to your colleagues. What's going on?"

Jim turned to shot Harvey a disapproving look. For the love of...

"Hey, I'm not in that payroll." Harvey spared a look at Cobblepot. "Though maybe I should be. How much did you pay for that suit?"

"Harvey!"

"Fine." He turned to Cobblepot. "To the point: did you kidnap that guy? Bacause we're not grateful for that. Quite the opposite."

Cobblepot's confused look, if faked, deserved all the awards. "What guy?"

Jim ran a hand through his hair. A few more pieces of confetti fell to the floor. "There was a man, he's been sending me death threats ever since we busted him for domestic violence."

Cobblepot's expression, Harvey couldn't help but notice, turned murderous. "Death threats?"

"That's not the important part. The important part is that he was kidnapped and strapped to a fucking bomb, with a warning to leave me alone. Do you realize I could lose my job over this?"

Cobblepot lifted his head, furious look still in place, only he seemed to be staring at a point directly behind Harvey. He hoped.

"Jim, I swear to God it wasn't me. I only wish you had told me, though. I promise to look into this as soon as possible".

Jim very nearly went red with frustration. "I'm not asking for your help!"

Cobblepot turned to him, his expression softening in a real smile. It gave Harvey even more of a bad feeling.

"What are friends for?"

And before either or them could say another word, he was walking out. He was surprisingly fast for a man with such a limp.

On his way out, Harvey saw him turn to look at someone with the same venomous expression he'd been wearing in the interrogation room.

Huh.

It was very strange that it should be directed at Nygma.

It was even stranger that Nygma was giving him the stink eye right back.

\-----

The next couple of days were pretty uneventful, if you didn't count the usual robberies, murders and mob activity. But, well, Gotham.

So Harvey would have counted things over with and back to normal, if it weren't for said petty criminals practically arresting themselves as soon as they heard Jim's name.

"Hey, maybe it doesn't have anything to do with, you know." Harvey said. Jim looked way too despondent for a guy who'd spend a week not having to run after anyone. "Maybe word of you being in good terms with Don Falcone finally hit the streets."

Jim gave him a disbelieving look. "Are you trying to cheer me up by telling me the entire criminal underworld believes I'm under Falcone's wing?"

"Better than green confetti!" Harvey chirped.

Jim glared at him.

"I loathe you", he said.

Of course, Harvey should have known better than to get too comfortable, what with them getting beaten and thrown in an alley after trying to arrest those drug dealers, as always, with no back up whatsoever.

\-----

"It seems they're not as intimidated by confetti as all the others" Harvey commented, as they limped back to the station.

"Can we not mention this never, ever again?" Jim tried to say evenly. It came out more like a whine.

\-----

A DA showing up at the station was not unheard of; however, one coming at the same time to inform Strapped To a Bomb Guy was trying to sue the police station, but had then mysteriously dissapeared after finding himself with a ton of charges lost previously in the system, was a bit more unusual.

"What do you mean 'dissapeared?" Jim asked, far more worriedly than he should have about a guy who probably was to be the cause of him getting fired.

Dent shrugged, looking vaguely dissatisfied. "Aparently he fled his last known adress. Of course, I would have found a way to get him off your hair if I'd had to", he added, voice getting chilly.

Harvey blinked. Dent, half his face on shadows despite being directly under the lights, was exchanging murder looks with Oswald Cobblepot, who'd just entered by the front door.

"What do you mean fled? Did he take his stuff, at least?" Jim pressed, apparently not noticing.

Dent suddenly stopped playing with his coin, still glaring at Cobblepot. He broke the stare to look down at it, and seemed to decide something.

"This is a collection item, did I ever tell you? Very old, and valuable. In fact, is my most valuable possesion."

"What? Oh, it's, er, very beautiful", Jim said, clearly taken aback at the change of subject. He looked even more flabblergasted when Dent pressed the coin on his hand.

"I want you to have it, as a symbol of our fight in favor of bringing justice," he said gravely. 

Jim just looked at him, and then at Harvey, in a clearly 'WTF' gesture. Unfortunately, Harvey was still occupied figuring how the shadows keep moving in and out of Dent's face while he stood still to be much help.

"All right, thanks," Jim said, shoving the coin on his pocket. "But, about this guy..."

"I'm very busy right now," Dent said, taking his hand. He didn't really shake it, but instead held it between his own. He stole another glance around the room. "I'd let you know if there's any further developments."

He shoved a card on Harvey's hand on his way out.

Harvey looked down at it.

It didn't read 'creepy motherfucker'.

Harvey was mildly surprised.

\-----

"Hey, what did Cobblepot want?" Harvey asked as an afterthought, a while later.

"What?"

"I saw him a few minutes ago. I assumed he was looking for you, that's why I left to get coffee. Does he have anything on your whacko admirer?"

"I didn't even knew he was here. Did you see where he went?"

Harvey shrugged. "One minute he was here, then he wasn't. I swear to god, I should start considering breaking my own knee to get faster."

Jim reached across the desk and took his spiked coffee. "No more of this for the day", he said firmly. 

Harvey just shrugged and took his flask off his pocket. He didn't actually drink from it, but it never paid to let Jim think he'd won. Besides, it was fun to see him angry. Funnier than seeing him worried about a random, bizarre stalker, anyway.

"Do you have the results about the blood prints on the Jefferson case?" Jim asked, after a few minutes of silence treatment.

"No." Harvey answered. Come to think of it, he hadn't seen Nygma the whole morning.

\-----

The Penguin and Dent were already arguing when Edward reached the alley behind the station.

"At least when I give him something, he actually takes it!" Dent was saying.

"Yes, because I'm sure he has much use for an old coin," the Penguin sneered.

The visible part of Dent's face went red. "It's an antique!"

"Gentlemen." Edward said quietly, because it never hurt to be polite. The other two men turned toward him.

"This is absurd," the Penguin said, leaning on his umbrella. "Jim and I share a deeper connection than any of you would be able to claim. He saved my life! Clearly we're meant to be together."

"He only let you live because his ideals make him incapable of murder. He didn't even want to see you again. I, on the other hand, am his moral equal. Or partnership will be a legendary one." Dent argued.

Edward lifted his hand. "I met him before any of you did, though. Just saying."

"By hours!" the Penguin said. "Besides, Jim's in constant danger. I may not meet his moral standards, but I firmly believe tolerance on the other person's shortcomings to be one of frienship's main pilars. And I'm willing to murder anyone who so much as looks at him wrong."

"I don't think Detective Gordon would want anyone to murder on his behalf," Edward saw fit to offer.

The Penguin made a dissmissive gesture. "Everyone has their flaws."

"I should be getting back to the station." Edward reminded them. 

The Penguin straightened to his full height, no doubt trying to look menacing. About a foot of it was hair.

"All right, let's be brief. I take you won't accept the place as Jim's best friend and protector in Gotham is rightfully mine."

"I accept that you're deluded." Dent said.

He turned toward Edward.

"I do believe he would like me better if he got to know me." Edward said. "Sorry."

The Penguin turned to leave. "Gentlemen, it is on."

**Author's Note:**

> I co-wrote this with pillstaker, who's too lazy to get a AO3 account, and to finish it too. So I'm taking over.


End file.
